Final Fangtasy
by MakaioRed
Summary: Edward, Bella and Renesmee travel to Disney Castle to turn Mickey Mouse into a vampire. Lots of references to several media, especially Final Fantasy gameplay references, were made.
1. Oh, Toodle

Several years after their final run-in with the Volturi, Edward, Bella and their daughter, Renesmee, moved to the countryside to start a new life. Life was swell. Renesmee was fully grown and still boarding with her parents until she found a place of her own. Or until she moved in with Jacob, but her dad wasn't giving her the opportunity to consider it.

Everything was 'normal', or as normal as a household of vampires could be. Until one day a package arrived for Edward of a very peculiar nature. It was rather sunny. Edward was upstairs in his study, fooling around, tagging other people aimlessly on a very blue social network and reading Half-Vampire Parenting for DUMMIES.

Bella was spring cleaning, and she was almost always in the habit of spring cleaning, even though spring loomed much further down the calendar. While dusting the coffee table in the lounge, an owl carrying a large parcel swooped past her. It dropped the package onto the coffee table and escaped out of a French window shortly afterwards.

She moved closer to examine it, and noticed an envelope attached to a small, wrapped package. The writing on the envelope beamed out towards her. Her mind's eye read the words aloud in her head.

To Cedric Diggory.

"Honey, come down here, I've found something," she shouted.

Edward sped down the stairs with great haste. He reached the lounge within seconds of Bella's call. Though clearly something else was on his mind. "Bells, I thought we agreed you'd call me money, instead of honey," said Edward.

"But we haven't gotten any royalties yet from those books you keep going on about."

"Those Twilight books are based on our lives," Edward argued, "that author keeps claiming them to be fictional, but all of us in this house know that it's a biography."

"Is not!" burst Renesmee, as she came out of the garage, investigating the commotion.

"Not again Renesmee," said Edward, pulling a face.

"Dad, when are you going to realise that you're made up. You and I both know that you were created to sparkle so that young teenage girls could ogle you all day and night. Not even I'm real, we're only here in this house because of some crazy fan fiction writer."

"You're crazy Renesmee, and I don't know why you keep going on about all that fiction stuff. We're real, why won't you accept that? How do you know we're not real anyway? Huh, huh? Can you prove it?"

Renesmee shrugged, she knew her father was completely irrational when it came to talk of fiction, especially fan fiction. "Well, Aunty Alice dreamt it, and you know her dreams always come true in one way or another."

Renesmee was lying, she just needed to shut her father up, or force him to change the topic. These kinds of tactics made her usually incredibly good at winning arguments with him.

Bella pushed herself into their view holding up the package. "Are you two finished? Look at this, it's supposed to be for Cedric Diggory."

Edward grabbed the package out of Bella's hands and began to unwrap it. The item within drew a surprised look from Edward.

"A crucifix?" he asked rhetorically.

"It's a portkey according to the letter," Bella said.

Renesmee looked at both her parents, impatiently waiting for one of them to say something. "Who's it from and what's it do?" she asked.

"Well the letter has no return address and isn't signed, but it says the portkey can take a person or people to an alternate world known as Disney Castle to interact with King Mickey, one of its residents," Bella said, lining her tongue with words from the letter with as much masculinity as possible.

"Do you know what this means?" Edward interrupted, "we can turn Mickey and any other characters we find into vampires! We get to make them all shiny and stuff!"

"For once," Renesmee said, "I agree with one of your ideas. It sounds like fun."

"Alright!" Edward shouted.

Bella jumped back into the conversation. "Yes, a fun filled family outing, though you'll end up watching Renesmee, you can't turn anyone."

Renesmee then said, "I still get to take my crayons and draw blood, he, he"

Edward hardly laughed at Renesmee's joke, instead he said, "Before we even think of entering any travelling to other worlds, we should train."

Bella shot a look back to her husband. "Are you crazy? I'm dying again of boredom. All I do is clean this place."

"We don't know what dangers lie on the other side, besides Hercules could be there guarding the King," Edward argued.

"He's got a point," Renesmee said.

"Alright, alright, we'll train then," Bella accepted.

The three Cullens began their training the very next day, Bella studying rodents on the Discovery channel, Edward fighting what he called 'creatures', and Renesmee going to the gym. An entire year had passed, because Edward was taking forever to reach his 'peak'.

Bella and Renesmee were upstairs in the study, joking about Edward's attempts to increase his strength and stamina.

"Finally!" a voice from downstairs shouted. Bella and Renesmee urged their feet to carry their bodies down the stairs.

"What?" said Bella, nudging Renesmee forward.

Edward swung his body around to face the one and a half female vampires, flexed his arms and shouted "LEVEL UP!"

Renesmee pulled a face in relief. "Finally, it's been an entire year, does that yell mean we can finally go?" She said.

Edward returned his arms to a normal position. He shot a glance at Bella, blowing a kiss. Bella responded in kind.

Then Edward began, "Hmm, well, yeh, after battling all those creatures this past year, I finally increased my strength."

"What are you talking about?" shouted Renesmee, "you ran around playing the battle theme from Final Fantasy on your phone while yelling ATTACK and then stomping on cockroaches."

"That's not true," Edward gasped, "sometimes it was the Chrono Trigger battle theme," he finished.

"Yeh Renesmee, he's got a point," Bella said, "what about that time he threw a cockroach into the fireplace after yelling FIRE."

"Oh my, yes, that was hilarious." Both Bella and Renesmee chuckled, while Edward started to blush (though Edwards's blushes involved him turning paler not more red). He paced up closer to them, pouting, and with arms crossed.

"I'll have you both know that all that fighting allowed me to level up."

Renesmee's chuckle had turned into a full blown laugh (Bella's chuckle also changed, but into a yawn) "Oh, really? Wh- Wha- What's your level now?" said Renesmee in between laughs.

"Er, minus four," Edward replied.

The laughs that escaped Bella and Renesmee were so loud that they echoed throughout the house. Edward turned away from his wife and daughter, not wanting them to see the very minor liquid substance coming out of his eyes. 'I'd better get these eyes fixed,' he thought.

He turned back to face them again, "Enough!" he shouted. "My strength shouldn't distract us from our goal. We should travel to the other world as soon as possible, right now in fact."

"Okay, but how do we do it?" asked Renesmee thoughtfully.

Bella retrieved the crucifix, handed it to Edward, and read out a statement from the letter. "To activate the portkey," she said, "you need to say the words 'oh, toodle'."

"No homo," Edward said while grimacing.

"Gee, well, let's do it then."

The three Cullens clasped their hands together around the crucifix, and with deep breathes they shouted, "Oh, toodle!" Their bodies seemingly evaporated with a loud crack, leaving behind their home and Bella's feather duster.


	2. Let There Be Fight

Mickey paced the halls of the palace, wracking his grey matter in an effort to find something fun to do. And it wasn't working.

"Back to the throne room," he mumbled aloud, shuffling along.

Meanwhile, in the very throne room Mickey was returning to, the Cullens suddenly appeared from thin air, very much alone for that moment. Renesmee surveyed the marble floors, the golden chair, a long red carpet and a large four foot hamster wheel in the corner of the room. "I guess he likes to work out," she said.

"Or maybe charge his laptop; going green," Edward said thoughtfully as he moved closer to a window, putting the crucifix 'away' and sparkling slightly from the cloud covered dusk.

"Maybe he's just gone loony, like Buggs Bunny," Bella added.

The Cullens began to spread themselves out, exploring this new pudding to the eye, when the main doors flew open.

"Man I'm so bored," Mickey said aloud while yawning.

The Cullens each replied in a roar of unity, "And so are we."

Mickey froze in fear watching two vampires approach him, unaware of his fate. Bella proceeded to beat Mickey senseless. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't withstand the constant 'pounding'.

Renesmee attempted to defy gravity a few times with a few energised hops. "Get him mum," she cheered.

When Mickey's face began to swell, and blood oozed from his sweat filled pours, Edward and Bella dug into their evening meal. They let their venom enter the mouse and after they had enough fresh spring blood they ceased.

Edward stepped back. "I wonder if he'll transform."

"Me too," Bella said following her husband.

"Me two and a half," Renesmee added.

"What?"

"I'm half vampire remember."

While the Cullens engaged themselves with simple ape-like socialisation, Mickey Mouse was starting to transform into vampire. And he would be unlike the Cullens, he was transforming into a 'proper' vampire, evident by the lack of twinkles from his skin. As a proper vampire he could be hurt by nature's many weapons, such as garlic and sunlight. He had also grown in size by two inches. He had fangs. His tail grew. His eyes grew. Even his nose grew. His eyes turned scarlet, and his mouth simply stayed open, saliva dripping out.

"Blo-Bl-Blooo-" he muttered unintelligibly. Then he lunged at an unaware and shaded Renesmee.

She didn't even have much time to dodge, but she somehow did. Landing just behind Mickey, Renesmee initiated an attack of her own. Mickey, however, blocked it with his right arm, and delivered a fresh backhand with his left. Renesmee flew across the room. She was more than out cold, she was frozen out.

Edward stood with his arms extended, with a pose that screamed 'I'm powering up'.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bella yelled, "attack him!"

"I can't yet, I'm waiting for my Active Time Battle gauge to fill."

"What? Oh never mind, one of your gaming/fighting quirks. Fine I'll do something."

Mickey started moving towards Renesmee, content on testing out his new fang drainage system on the pipes of her heart. Bella took the opportunity to sneak up on Mickey mid-motion. She delivered a powerful kick from behind him, to his manhood. However he just stood there, unphased.

'Drats,' Bella thought, 'he doesn't have manhood, it doesn't hurt him, so he must have mousehood, I've never fought someone with that.'

As Mickey turned around to face Renesmee's mom (who'd not got it going on), she called to her husband. "Edward, why don't you attack him now," she yelped. "Help Me!"

"I can't, my ATB gauge still isn't full."

Bella was shifting further backwards out of fear, slowly being pushed into a corner by Mickey, his growls getting louder and scarier. As the King began to raise his right hand to strike, a loud shout filled the room.

"THUNDERSLAM!" shouted Edward. He began sprinting at Mickey, who, for the first time since his transformation, looked shocked. He grabbed Mickey, his arms around Mickey's chest and back. He lept into the air holding his victim and, on the return journey to the ground, threw Mickey into the floor, landing on top of him in the process. A great sound filled the room filled the room, blasting through everyone's ears, waking Renesmee. Edward got up, feeling victorious; however Mickey hopped up and resumed his general growling and stalking movements.

"Edward you idiot!" Renesmee quipped. "You named your move after thunder, not lighting; thunder is only the sound."

Edward stood still, waiting for his turn to come again, while their rodent enemy raised his hand to strike. And strike he did, Edward's nose broke as his face flung back knocking him off balance. His body fell to the ground, the hard surface showing no sympathy. He decided to practise one of the techniques he had learnt by watching Jacob Black, 'playing dead'.

"No, my love," Bella begged, "please don't be dead."

Mickey calmly pursued Bella again, this time finally backing her into a corner. Then Renesmee began to telepathically speak to Edward, "I have a plan, keep staying down until your gauge is full, then I want you to pull out the portkey, while I sneak up on Mickey."

Edward nodded in agreement. His ATB gauge was nearly full again. Renesmee lunged at Mickey, the mouse not even sensing the foreboding danger. Renesmee's landing behind him startled him and he tried to turn to face her. But, a weakness had obviously been discovered by Renesmee - Mickey's tail. With both her hands she took a firm grip of his tail, and Mickey yelped with great pain, frozen in his location. Edward stood up, pulling the portkey out of a central, frontal location covered by his trousers.

"Why did you put it THERE, we all have to touch that thing!" shouted Renesmee.

"FOR GREAT JUSTICE, TAKE OFF EVERY ZIG!" screamed Edward, pushing the crucifix directly into the king's field of vision. Mickey's body started to steam, the crucifix causing his skin to sauté. His lips separated and his throat attempted to break the world's loudest scream record. Eventually his body turned crispy, and his throat fell silent. After that his lifeless body hit the floor, turning to ash.

"Yes! We did it!" Renesmee screamed.

"I knew my daughter had it in her."

"Gee thanks," she quipped.

Pushing past her daughter, Bella ran to her husband, colliding into him while throwing her arms around him. "I thought you were dead, Eddy-Eddy-Poo."

"Ugh, I can't believe I heard that," Renesmee snapped while walking towards the couple, "let's go home."

"Yes, let's go," her parents chorused.

The Cullens huddled together and took hold of the portkey. Within a few moments a loud scream of "oh, toodle," echoed through the throne room as well as down the passage.

Queen Minnie entered the room. "Mickey? Are you here? Was that you?" she asked while walking through a pile of ashes, which stained the bottom of her pink dress.


End file.
